[canatedian]

Replace the word shit with snow and somethings begin to make sence to me. Sometimes.

Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit happens.”
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: If shit happens, form a procession
Methodist: It’s not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don’t talk about it.
Fundamentalism: Shit happens and you’re going to hell anyway.
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it’s okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don’t work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don’t call a doctor – pray!
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That’s MY shit.
Communism: It’s everybody’s shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can’t live without us…
Commercialism: Let’s package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let’s bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn’t happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see “Dianetics”, p.157.
Jehovah’s Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah’s Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah’s Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can’t believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.

And of course we must add…Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!

And my personal fave Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke this shit!

[canatedian]

Buy a phone from Sev and have no complaints. And you can travel around prov/country and add pay ahead for your usage (Thrifty eh?). I’d cell you mine but I’ve downloaded all kinds of ringers and pics.
Voice activation
Free Received text message
check out virginmobile.com
I don’t work of frequent 7-11 either, I spend 50buck every two-three weeks. (Tones of musictones).

[canatedian]

Most Local Banks will be Closed Mon and Tues from what I understand.
The Machines will be working. Giving the tellers a couple days rest.
But All local businesses will be open with boxing day sales galore.

[canatedian]

Take the Kelowna Route, Okanagan weather and therapudic views.

[canatedian]

Another forum is showing x Box

[canatedian]

Why not use a section of the field in West Fernie.
I would like some day to see a nice batanical garden or at least a fountain and some benches in that spot.
No weather jokes nessessary folks (remember we’re trying to be possitive)
I guess there’s always the arena, but dont forget about Baynes, and other sorounding lakes.
I wonder if N land Lake freezes over.

[canatedian]

If you have ever attempted to organize a Christmas function at work, you will relate to these emails all too well…

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols…feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm.

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our
CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.”

The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No
Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table … you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off
on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.

Will that work? Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.

Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO : All Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #$%*!@% Holiday Party

Vegetarians?!?!?!? I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve
heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO : All Employees
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays

[canatedian]

people post a reply eh?

[canatedian]

Welcome to the games room eh?
I’ve got no poker plans this week. Yet

[canatedian]

At least the highways would be a bit safer.

Shame on you all for posting such negativeties, so close to Christmas.
I saw who slashed your tires on the night in question. It was a bit dark out right, but I’m pretty sure the guy looked alot like a Mr. R Mcnair.

Just Kidding…

Seriously folks, we should all be upset at the Sasketchewan tourists, I don’t see to many of them anymore. Also anyone know who put the bomp, in the bomp, shibomp, shibomp?

[canatedian]

My Religion is quite new to this region.
It’s called Nateism.
Our God was killed by the Leprechauns after the unicorns took over the Universe.
On Christmas Eve we all sit around a bowl of wax fruit and try to bring back Elvis.

[canatedian]

The following is a warm holiday thought for all you people struggling with holiday woes.

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed: “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you’ve started.” So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a fifth of Crown Royal, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey’s, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

[canatedian]

I’m just gonna put a camera up at work. Entertain you all with my brain farts all day. Live.

[canatedian]

My dog came home one day after running around off his leash in town. (He’d never hurt a fly, and you drivers should simply slow down and take in the views).
He had a split on his ear and it was bleeding on the top of his head. It was also Super Bowl Sunday.
I didn’t know if he had been hit by a car or what.
I called and explained my situation, and without hesitation, the local Doc looked at, cleaned up, and fixed my dog.
The best part is that I explained my cash situation when I called and interupted his family time and they were all cool, I think they waited more than a week to get paid.
I don’t shop around for a vet. When my dog/animal is sick I take them to the closest professional around.
I did have a previous file with Doctor Lawson, but it did not change the situation or animal lovers concern for the well being of both me and my lil Buddy.
I think in protest of your attitudes and responses to this topic I’m gonna get my Cat Something special for Christmas. Fixed. It’s the gift that keeps from giving.
I wish Our local vet and his family, Peace and prosperity for many years to come.
PS. Any competition is healthy, I welcome any new bussiness ventures and investments in our community.

[canatedian]

For the four hundredth time this week?

I don’t know if it is safe to advertize this kinda info but, if you meet me next to the seven 11 dumpsters at 10pm tonight we’ll see what’s happenin.

If not, hope I win my car back. I’ve been stuck here since ’83. JK

In four hours 17 views and not a single hows it goin?

Has anyone not heard of the Canadian freedom of expression rights?

Come on now Quiz me on somethin?

Baynes Lake history?
The fish tasted better before the tires and crud got thrown in there.

Regardless of what your doin while out enjoying the abundance of beauty that it is in the world, clean up after yourselves if not for the giving spirit of the season, the youth and generations of visitors to come.
Recycle your wrapping paper or better yet use newspaper to wrap your gifts (funny pages are a hit.)

I know Santas on his way, and Technology’s gonna help me find him.

[Author]

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